Every year, the arrival of Xmas™ Muzak® marks the beginning of holiday-frenzy season, when perfectly good Christmas carols are placed on repeat play because some marketer somewhere thinks it enhances holiday mood and encourages people to spend more money, even if it wrings the last drops of sentiment out of the assocations with the tunes. This is the time of year when I am careful to carry a music player and headphones into any public venue where I might encounter said muzak, lest there be a repeat of the Spam Incident.

The Spam Incident was a revelation I had one night in a Lucky’s while I was shopping with [livejournal.com profile] obsessivewoman. We were going down an aisle while I attempted to remain patient with the latest repetition of “Jingle Bells”, and suddenly I understood:

Spam® is the spirit of Xmas™.

After all, Spam® came in small tins suitable for stocking-stuffers, large tins that could be wrapped as presents! It all made sense. I explained this to my darling as I began filling the shopping cart with tins of Spam®, but before I had gotten very far, she made me put them back and go out and wait in the car until she was done shopping.

Ever since then, I am careful to have headphones with me during the holiday season so I can override the muzak as needed. And if ever I rule the world, I will make a rule that Christmas carol tunes may only be performed in public by live singers, violations punishable by being placed in the stocks at the entrances to shopping malls and pelted with expired fruitcake.

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Have a happy Lupercalia, everyone! (Or as Warren Ellis puts it, happy Horny Werewolf Day!)
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Mark your calendars: Cephalopodmas falls on December 22nd. (Via Pharyngula.)
[livejournal.com profile] cmccurry reminded me that it’s time once again for the International Eat A Tasty Animal for PETA (IEATAPETA) Day on Wednesday, March 15. Who’s up for an expedition to the Outback Steakhouse in Cupertino to consume the flesh of creatures that roam the land and swim in the sea, to meet at 7:30 PM?
It’s October, and the holiday displays are going up. Yet again, we will spend the last quarter of the year being bombarded with advertisements in hopes that some small shred of holiday spirit remains to be squeezed for essence that can be converted into cold, hard cash. I probably have another month before they begin to put on the Xmas Muzak and I need to go everywhere with a personal stereo to shut them out.

Fortunately, the December issue of the Fortean Times offers some delightful gift suggestions to subvert the seasonal miasma.

The Toy Vault has a fuzzy Nyarlathotep to provide some variation for people who already have too many plush Cthulhus cluttering their house.

In the “demented teddy bear” department, we have two entrants. Teddy Scares™ has such delights as Abnormal Cyrus™, Rita Mortis™, Hester Golem™, Redmond Gore™, and Edwin Morose™. Toxic Teddies has their signature Toxic Teddy, a Bipolar bear, Buzzy the chainsaw-wielding bear, a Bye Bye bear, Smackie the junkie, Rubba the bondage bear, the Butcher of Bearsville, and the Killer.

[livejournal.com profile] obsessivewoman informs me that she does not want any of these evil teddy bears in our house, and while I enjoy distorting the realities of my co-workers, I think these might be a little bit too shocking for the modern office environment; it’s important to slip the weirdness in under the threshold at which the filters cut in and people reject the challenge to their world’s boundaries as bad input. (Plush Microbes and plush Parasite Pals are probably about as far as I can push it at work, though I haven’t picked up any of those yet.)

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