At least I can get vicarious vacations

One thing you can do in Kingdom of Loathing is go on vacation. (Any other MMORPGs that support vacation? You prefer being attacked by cows wielding halberds, don’t you?) The three vacation spots are the Distant Lands Dude Ranch Adventure (which usually increases your Muscle), the Tropical Paradise Island Getaway (which usually increases your Mysticality), and the Large Donkey Mountain Ski Resort (which usually increases your Moxie); any vacation can also result in picking up interesting souvenirs. Each vacation costs 3 moves and 500 meat, and provides an entertaining narration of how you spent your vacation. These are my favorites:

You arrive at the tropical island and decide to try your hand (and feet) at surfing. You rent a surfboard and paddle out into the ocean, only to find that surfing is really, really hard. Try as you might, you can’t get the hang ten of it.

As you’re heading back to the hotel exhausted and defeated, a tall man with dark hair and darker sunglasses beckons to you from the shadows. “Duuuude.... duuude.” He whispers. “I can totally teach you how to surf. Excellent!”

You follow him to a small shack by the beach. He teaches you to understand that the beach and the waves are all created in your mind, that you’re not really breathing air, and that you know kung fu. You learn how to see the reality of the world that has been pulled over your eyes.

And of course, you use those godlike powers to be the best surfer ever. The next day, you’re not only shooting the curl and gleaming the cube, but at times you’re surfing three or four feet above the waves. And occasionally surfing along the beach.

Whoah.

and

After a few days at the Distant Lands Dude Ranch, you decided to take a load off, and head on down to the local saloon.

As you enter, a burly cowboy turns from his place at the bar, looks you straight in the eye, and says “I reckon this town ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

“I reckon you’re right,” you reply. “So what do you reckon you’re gonna do about it?”

“Well, I reckoned I’d go buy some lumber and some tools, and make the town a little bigger. Wanna give me a hand?”

“Sure,” you reply.

You spend the rest of the evening building additions to all of the buildings in town. Carpentry is quite a workout, you reckon.

and a couple of related encounters on the mountain:

You’re shushing down the slopes of Large Donkey Mountain, looking stylish and half-frozen, when you’re distracted by a sexy ski bunny. I mean, who knew bunnies could ski? And why are they so very sexy when they do? These are the thoughts that run through your mind as your body runs through a grove of trees, eventually colliding with one.

Fortunately, this is a grove of sentient trees overseen by a friendly hipster Ent known as ForestGoatee. He takes you back to his cave, gives you some java and Quisp cereal, and lets you check your mail on the Enternet. You leave refreshed and feeling more hip for the time spent in his company.

---

You’re cross-country skiing through the forests around Large Donkey Mountain when you run into ForestGoatee, the hipster Ent.

“Hooom, man,” he says. “Cross-country skiing? No snowboarding? No Xtreme Downhill? Do you have any idea how dorky that is?”

“Yup,” you reply. “It’s about as dorky as wearing mesh trucker caps and thick plastic-frame glasses.”

“Exactly,” he says, and pats you on the back (knocking you over in the process, but then thoughtfully setting you back on your skis). “For a hasty one, you’re pretty hip. I believe you are a new species - a half-hipling. I shall have to discuss this with my fellow hipster Ents. Here, take this - it’s been a while since anybody even half-hip came to visit me.”

ForestGoatee hands you a bottle of Ent Cider and sends you on your way.