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Tianil’s Gift

An enchanted rosewood scrubbing brush with a handle long enough to reach that difficult-to-scratch spot on your back for any human-sized being; it can strike as a mace, fire a soapy water blast (at the wielder’s level of power translated into that of a wizard) for concussion damage, spray soap in the eyes for temporary blinding impairment, and can transform into a small 10’×10’ bathhouse containing a fountain for cleansing and a tub for soaking. The back of the brush reads “A little more help for cleansing the world of evil” and contains a lip-print burnt into the wood; it contains the psychic impression of a smiling woman, the elementalist Tianil (dead these past three centuries) dressed in the robes of an adventuring sorceress. It was created for her lover Jorgon, a priest of Melmac, a deity associated with physical and spiritual cleanliness, and still bears some metaphysical residue from being wielded by a priest generations ago, though is not yet a holy weapon.

The Minion of Filth

A dingy grey laen bottle containing a bottle imp covered in dirt and slime. The demon loves filth to a truly demented degree, and will cackle about it gleefully: “Feeelth! Feeelth! My lovely lovely feeeelth!” The item can tap the imp’s power to pull filth into the demon’s bottle, where the demon will happily wallow in it, or spew filth forth onto a target, in which case the demon will delight in spreading it. (The demon is insane and does not think logically about gaining and losing filth; it is quite happy to get the party sparkling clean by adding their filth to its hoard and then to attack enemies by sending it forth.) The wizard calling upon its power must already be able to perform battle-magics, and must master the demon’s will (which is a bit above human average); should the wizard fail to master the demon’s will, he will spread filth indiscriminately across everyone present, friend and foe alike. The filth can take on any noxious parameters, including blinding any senses, rendering the floor dangerously slippery or sticky, or causing extreme physical revulsion. It can easily clean up a group of adventurers covered in muck, but would reach ecstatic saturation before making much of a dent in a cesspit.

The Wand of Sheep

A wand of willow-wood that conjures up live sheep. The wielder must have a strong willpower and visualization ability. Getting a placid sheep is trivial; just say the command word. With sufficient determination, it is possible to get sheep with an initial velocity (even enough to fling them over castle walls or bowl over an opponent), berserk rabid sheep, and even Celtic venomous sheep. Recharging the wand requires one sheep and a unit of life-related magic (vis in Ars Magica terms) per charge; the sheep is reduced to a metaphysical essence that is stored in the wand. The sheep, once conjured, are entirely real and nourishing.

October 2018

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